How to turn a nice guy into an asshole? Let's first start by saying that I met a really nice man. He was considerate, genuine and intelligent. We met on Tinder and we spontaneously decided to hang out that same day. At that time I didn't have a car so he picked me up, he lived 15 minuted away. I got in his car after feeling safe, of course. Then we headed to his bachelor pad where we were going to "watch some Netflix and chill". We both ended up hitting off. We both just had finished from a relationship and we weren't looking for something serious. Though, we did enjoy the company of the opposite sex. Now, as you know, during relationships there are certain patterns that get build with time. In my case, driving to his place, once I got a car and hanging out there. Eventually, if we were hanging out. I was driving to his place and he had the comfort of not lifting a finger to hang out. As months began to pass he started to get lazier and lazier. I to compensate started to go out of my way to hang out more with him. Why do you ask? Because I am a sweetheart that way and at times, truth be told, I was bored. As you can eventually see he grew tired of having everything handed to him like being available ALWAYS to hang out when he wanted. He started to treat me less and less special and more like a burden that takes away his time.
Now, if you have abandonment issues like me you will continue to seek this person out even if the last time he was rude to you, why? Becuase someone who has abandonment issues clings to their specimen for dear life until they go to their sour and inevitable end. I asked myself, if he needed his space, I should have gone missing doing my life until he realizes how great of a person I am. If he doesn't then it's his loss. But because I have stupid abandonment issues, I tend to seek him out in an anxiety and impulsive way that inevitably drives him even further away.
for any of you women and men that have abandonment issues and know what I am talking about, here is my advice to you.
- Value your own time and don't make it second on your priority list.
- absence makes the heart grow fonder (it's a saying for a reason).
- Know that you are worthy of a great relationship. If your significant disrespects you or treats you badly. Walk away and let them simmer in what they have done wrong.
- You don't always have to be the person that keep things harmonious for the sake of the relationship. Sometimes being mad and walking away is the best thing you could do for your relationship.
- Love yourself enough to know that you matter and that your hurt feelings should not be mounting up.
Here are some more resources to read if you are interested.
I hope this helps. Please feel free to contact me when any questions.
Love to all my peeps!
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