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Voyaging Through Experience

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I've been distracting myself all day. Trying not to feel his absence. I've water the plants but I undoubtedly think of him. He left me his plants. I watched a movie and it was extremely boring and in the end, the main character has to leave behind his lover for Spain, how Ironic, really! Here I am trying to distract myself only to find my exact situation in a movie. ugh.

 I have wondered about the relationships I have held with men. I have willingly opened my heart time and time again to men that I know I can't have a future with. I thought that even though I could not be with this person long term, I would be open to the experience of getting to know them and enjoying their company. This has brought me a lot of happiness and sadness. I don't know if we are in this world to  experience people or to search for a mate that will hold a permanent spot in our lives. I know is not that easy. That is not one way or another.

 I don't know if there are some people that meet early on the person they choose to share their life with or they settle down for other reason that is masked in the name of stability and security. I am sure that both are true. As for me, I could have married my college sweetheart but I knew that I wanted to know more of life and I knew in  my heart that he was not the person that  I needed to venture into the unknown. I wanted to experience for the sake of experience and wanted to discover what my heart hungered for. To know what I liked or disliked.

I have changed many times over and I am not the same person I was 5, 10 or 15 years ago. I have developed and have grown. 

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